Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
