Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
