Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
