He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's blow job season.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
