Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
