You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
