My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
