ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
