But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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