i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
