i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
