we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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