I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
