Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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