cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
