Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
