If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
