And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
