Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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