I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
