There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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