Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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