please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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