Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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