Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
