Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
