He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
