bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
