did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
