Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
