I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
