you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You pole danced in your parka.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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