A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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