I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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