My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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