you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
