the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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