so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
