dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
