We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
