I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
