Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
