Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
