That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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