i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
