I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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