What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
