week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
