There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
