great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
