I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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