just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
